Something, something.

So Today at Mama T's there was this lady from New Jersey there. She's an older lady...mom of six kids - whoa. Proud moma, too - she showed me a picture of all of them and told me each of their names and ages. It was funny to have someone share something like that, but she's ten days in and missing them and I'm three months in and haven't met many random Americans, and definitely not mothers, so I didn't mind the chat. Anyways, we got into both of our stories and what brought us to Kolkata. Crazy. But she ended up asking me what is the biggest thing that I've learned in this city. It took me a moment to recover from such a loaded question. Did this lady just hear me say that I've been here for three months...not three days. Hello. I don't think such a thing exists. After nearly four months here, I've learned way too many things to pick a single one to be the most important lesson. They have all been life-giving and life-changing...combined together they have made me a new person, alone they are just simple lessons that really don't deserve the weight of the greatest lesson of a 14 week span of my life.

I thought about it for a few seconds, and even though this isn't THE biggest thing I've learned in India, it's been an incredible thing to learn. I was riding on the bus this morning and it all started to make sense (with the help from a book we read recently. I wanted to quote it, but forgot it at home and I'm too lazy to go back and get it...maybe I'll post one later, but for now just know all these thoughts stemmed from this book and the dear city of Kolkata). And on to it. I walked into this city and had so many complaints about the people and how they did things. Men stare. Men touch. Men take everything they want. Women do not exist here, or at least not in any way that really speaks of their value as a human. There is sick, sick, sick poverty in this city. People are denied, people are devalued. All around, people are doing what they can to get in front of the next person...whether that be in a line or to get on/off the metro. It's a lonely place. They don't claim that, because seriously the population is said to be about 14 million. But it is lonely. Lonely in the respect that outside of family and friends, people do not seem to have a respect for anyone else. This place isn't kind, speaking from the eyes of an outsider. Homes are corrupt, with a never-ending theme of abuse. And the police system is corrupt, so justice doesn't really exist.

All my eyes could see was the taking without rights, the dehumanization of anything that isn't a man, terrible physical poverty that destroys something much deeper than a person's skin, the "me first" attitude in every context, and corruption that seems to have no end because justice isn't in the cards. That is what I was concentrating on..the way I saw these people living wrongly. Therefore, I had a bad attitude. I responded poorly, because I was looking at the surface and reacting to it. I forgot that there are roots to everything. Everything. The only reason there is so much brokenness in the actions of the people is because they are all broken. They have been hurt. There are wounds inside all of them. And the way they live life is just a response to that...whether it's individually or just as a whole, there is something off within the hearts of this city.

First, when I simply named the actions that frustrated me as things just wrong with the people, I had a really, really, really good heart check sent my way. The Lord opened my eyes to just how sick I am. For my first reaction to be to follow suit and do as they do and not act as His child, something was off in me. I wasn't loving. I wasn't taking on His heart and acting based on that, which is what He has called me to do - as His servant, as His follower. It revealed so much of my own brokenness, my own corruption. I'm thankful it did so, and I'm thankful the Lord called me to another direction in this city. I'm thankful He whispered words to me that sent my heart's desire and actions during my life here spinning in the opposite direction. As was spoken of in the book Brokenness to Community, I was doing what I could to get to the top of the ladder - like everyone else. When really I'm called to bottom rung...the one that we think won't get us anywhere, but let's not forget those who humble themselves, He will lift high. I didn't humble myself, the Lord did it - gently, but He showed me the true reflection of my heart. I blogged about that earlier, I think in "I was once a Kolkata", but the Lord has been great to continue to work this in my heart. He has molded me...my words do not communicate it by any measure. I don't really know who I am in the U.S. anymore. I know who I am here (sorta), because this is where the Lord has changed me, but figuring out all of this in the States will be a process. For those of you who know and love me at home...have patience, please. :)

I know He has plans. He who began a good work in you will see it through to completion. (Philippians 1:6)

Secondly, after the realization that knocked me off my feet (in a good way - I needed to learn to stand while holding His hand and not on my own, which is why he gives us those lessons - Hebrews 12:5-8 ), I began to love this city so much more. I began to accept it in all it's brokenness...and because of it's brokenness. I mean, when we really have the heart of Christ, he calls us to serve in broken places. That's been Kolkata for me, but He sends us all different places...to all different kinds of brokenness. In Brokenness to Community, it talks about how it's difficult to love broken people, because those loving often get the brunt of the actions stemming from those wounded roots. But the beauty of it is when you submit yourself to that and pour your heart into that person/people they begin to realize that even in their worst they can be loved and eventually something beautiful blossoms. They see that they no longer have to act out of brokenness, they no longer have to live as though they are fighting for life with every breath in their being. They can just be, they finally have permission to exist as who they were created to be. They receive life...in the grandest of fashions, love.

So in once sentence what is one of the greatest lessons I've learned? I have a sinful, corrupt, and broken heart that is (thankfully) covered by the innocent blood of my dear Savior, Jesus Christ, who is/was/will always be God stepping down from His thrown (humbling Himself) to walk in the flesh with us sinful, corrupt, and broken people so that through dying on a cross he would cleanse our dark souls and tear down the wall dividing us from our Father in Heaven; therefore, I am called to walk as He did - loving the broken, despite their brokenness (putting myself in last place) - and as a result, evil fails to rule in the hearts of people...life, beauty, and light will reign from above and the greatest love wins.

That's a really long sentence (with tons of incorrect grammar - oh well), but there's no shortening that.

As the family says often:  Who is Good? God is Good. Always.