Stepping out from underneath of that black cloud...

Today at our book discussion, my team leader said something that really made me think back to the beginning of my time here. It was incredibly difficult. The first month of my time here made me think the end might never come. I struggled with so many things in so many ways. Then, I completely credited every bit of the struggle to culture shock. But now, I'm not so sure. After weeks and weeks of existing in this city, seeing poverty in ways I never have before, and encountering brokenness in ways that have wounded my heart, I've had a mirror held up to my heart and my life. I can no longer claim ignorance and continue living as I always have. So, what are we...13 weeks into this journey? Yep, 13 weeks. After 13 weeks, I can very clearly see that first month not as a month of culture shock, but as a month of withdrawals. I was experiencing withdrawals from the richness in which I live in in America. I missed my cute clothes, I missed my make-up, I missed my comfortable bed, I missed my cute wall decorations, I missed my air conditioner, I missed my familiar foods, I missed clean streets, I missed the part of the world I've been grown to see as the only part of the world. I thought I needed all those things. I equated all of that with happiness. With worth. With the way life should be. In fact, before I came...I was building in my mind the cutest little apartment that would be mine when I return home and move to Dallas. Ya know, since I'll have a big girl job and be able to afford all of those grand things...why not buy it all? Now I have a million and one reasons not to. I do still miss all of those things, but they don't hold the value they once did. They're not actually important at all. It's been a really cool thing to see that once I starved myself of all of those things, I realized I don't need any of them. Once I "sacrificed" those things to come here, I realized I wasn't really sacrificing anything like I thought I was. Now that I've been shown this, now that the withdrawals are over...I've stepped out from underneath that black cloud that was shadowing the sun above. No light was coming in, because that stupid huge black cloud of misplaced priorities was hanging above me. It sorta feels like I shed the chains holding me to this world. Honestly, I have understood life as how to meet my own needs, failing to really see the needs of the people with less in this world. I had chains. I had a black cloud. And I was failing to love well.

Sider, who wrote Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger, said something along the lines of even the greatest of possessions is worth far less than the least cherished life. It's so true. I don't need worldly junk...there's way too many lives that are being lost daily for the dumbest reasons. Hunger. Preventable diseases. Genocide. And the list goes on and on. Because my cloud was shadowing my view of the world, I had no light to see my brother or sister in need. Maybe they are in the next country, or perhaps across the street. Regardless they are there...ignorance cannot be my excuse.

So then we went on to talk about if failing to assist the poor was a sin. I truly believe so. If you've opened your bible as of late, I'm sure you read something that was a picture of the Lord's heart for the poor. Let's just check out 1 John 3:17:  "If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?" Ouch. That's serious business. Or what about Matthew 25...31-46, but here is verse 40:  "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" Jesus takes it personal when we give of fail to give to the least of these. Releasing the possessions I thought were key to life, really allows me to spend my resources providing life instead of attempting to satisfy the insatiable monster of consumerism.

I didn't know I was so attached to my "things" until the light had space to shine and that cloud moved on. Praise the Lord for that. It's such a freedom to see the worth of things I thought were necessary to life diminish to nothing. Excited to strive for a life of open hands. I'll need Jesus every day in that, but if I could get it all right on my own anyways, Jesus' life was pointless...and it totally wasn't. Freedom. Mmmm, such a sweet taste.


Here's a cool video. Takes some time, but sheds some good light:
The Story of Stuff