Weak.

Preface:  I have limited sight, therefore I have limited faith. These words are proof of that.


There is pain in this world, so I'm consumed with nothing but the question of "why is this allowed?" and bitterness.
There is joy in this world, but I consumed with anything but the question of "why is this allowed?" and thanksgiving.

Where does that leave me?
A bitter, ungrateful creation. One that never fails to forget the joy, but refuses to release the pain.


Still, I will stand and say...
I'm ready for a victory.
I'm ready to see God win.
I'm ready for hopes to become a reality.
I'm ready for justice to be exercised, not just yearned for.
I'm ready for peace to be known by our hearts and our eyes...not just a prayer.
I'm ready for these ladies that I've grown to love to taste something besides the incessant bitter flavors of life.

I need not forget I only know to expect these, because I've been told they are approaching. I've been promised they are to be.


Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12

If this is what the Lord wants of me, I'm going to be honest...He needs to create it in me.
In this moment...
Hope feels too distant...so how can joy even be present?
Afflictions are plentiful...patience seems to only lead to an accumulation of more.
Prayer...I don't have words, so how can I be faithful in pouring out my requests in prayer to the Lord?

Sometimes, my faith just isn't capable of holding on to hope in the midst of afflictions. But that doesn't take away the fact He is worthy of my faith and capable of providing joy when afflictions come my way...or into the way of those I love dearly. He's proven it to me time and time again, but as humans we are forgetful creatures.


I am weak. My faith is weak.

He is strong, and His promises ring loud. I'm told to wait upon the Lord, but sometimes I wonder how much longer we need to wait. Regardless, I continue to wait. I continue to wait. I continue to wait. I know His words are true and His love is great. He does hurt more than I do over the sickness of this world. His heart does break more than mine over the ugly that sin produces. So I pray for forgiveness of my urgency to see His words turn to reality and for my moments of unbelief. And turn to thank Him for seeing fit to purchase this traitor's heart with Christ's innocent blood.


And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from you flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 36:26

Thanks, God. I need that. I can't do it myself. And this heart of stone is heavy on my soul.




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Also, please give this beauty a listen. Twist on an old hymn. Pure delight. May these words be life.