those days

I miss wearing blue jeans.

Just had to get that out there.

This is just a post meant to say I'm tired. My mind is exhausted. I've been blessed to learn and grow and change so much these past 10 weeks, but I've reached a point where I don't feel like I can absorb anymore (but I can and will). I feel like I've constantly been thrown a curve ball since I've entered this city. The norm of a day is having things go wrong...in any context. The metro doesn't work? Oh surprise. The autos are on strike? Oh surprise. The road is flooded so I need to find my way around? Oh surprise. Another man touched me inappropriately? Oh surprise. One man notices the white girls, says something, and all of a sudden fifteen men are staring us down? Oh surprise.The mall had a bomb threat? Oh surprise. There's another freaking religious celebration forcing me to stay indoors? Oh surprise. Ten people just pretended I was invisible and skipped me in line? Oh surprise.You don't have the item I want even though it's printed on your menu that you offer it? Oh surprise. I ordered an American dish and it taste like one of the most Indian things I've ever consumed in my life? Oh surprise. You charged me double what you should have? Oh surprise. The grocery store has quit carrying all of my new found favorites? Oh surprise. Internet isn't working? Oh surprise. I can't Skype my family because something else is going wrong with the computers? Oh surprise. Sometimes I just wish I could depend on something in this city. I'm tired.

Pray for a divine renewal of my mind.
I need this.

I miss certain comforts of home, but I don't want to leave this place. I still adore every moment I get to spend with the ladies and the kids at Shishu Bahvan. I don't think I'll ever be ready to leave them. I just realized today that I have had to consciously choose to be in each moment. I can easily drift away in thoughts that are taking the place of my moments here. The moments I will wish for when I'm not here anymore. I drift away to easier moments. Moments with a little less ugly. Moments with a little less pain. Moments with a little less annoyances. But I need to be concentrating on find the joy and beauty of each moment. That keeps me here. That keeps me loving.

Here's the beauty of the day:
This morning I didn't get a seat on the metro (for our 40 minute long ride), and I was like "ok, here we go". Well, before we reached the first stop, this sweet Indian lady that was sitting took my heavy bag so I wouldn't have to hold on to it the whole ride. It was such a blessing. I didn't even have to ask. She knew. Then after about 5 stops, two girls that were sitting right beside her got up. Usually this is when I get knocked out of the way by other women around...so they can sit. But she put her arm up so I could sit down. I've never had anyone do that for me here. In fact, I usually get the opposite. The women maneuver around (if they can) so another Indian lady can sit down. But this time it was different.

It only takes one exception to realize the rule doesn't exist. (I think I heard that in a movie, once...haha)


And I don't want anyone reading this and thinking I'm in a bad state. I'm not. I'm well (no worrying, parents), but something in me needs rest. Please just pray for that. I have 7 more beautiful weeks of this journey left. I cannot wait to be molded by each and every one of them, I just need energy for that. Walls are bad...they don't protect us like we think they do, they only push everyone else out. And sometimes it's everyone else that keeps you in the fight you no longer have the energy to see to victory. So cheesy, but true. I don't want walls. I want a beautiful victory all the way to the end. Pray for me. Pray for our team.


Please be praying for my host family.
I've seen each of them experience one thing after another. The mom was sick with stomach issues that forced her to go to the hospital, the daughter has had a fever, the son now has a rash all over his body, and both of the parents stay exhausted. It is a never ending battle for them. I feel that everything that can be thrown at this family is...anything that will break them down happens. But their faith never ceases...I think it only makes it stronger. Quite like Job...it's amazing.

So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. 1 Peter 4:19
...He is faithful. He is Creator. Suffering may be with you, but have a little faith...it goes a long way. How are we to say the Creator of the universe is out of control.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10
...Hold tight to this hope. Suffering isn't forever. And for all of the suffering I see here (with no end in sight), that restoration, strength, and steadfastness may be waiting for them at the gates of heaven, but there is an end, whether it's in this life or the next. Hold tight.