Oh boy. Tomorrow morning we are heading out of this crazy city for a week long visit to Thailand. We get to retreat for the first couple of days...wind down and process all that we've been absorbing for the past 4/5 weeks (I've lost count). After that, we will be visiting Bangkok to learn more about what work is done there. So excited for all of this journey that is ahead of us. It is coming in perfect time...we fly out the day that the real Durga Puja celebration begins. I'm so thankful that we do not have to experience it in the slightest...I've only heard how miserable this time of year is here. The city shuts down to worship god(s)/goddess(es) of the Hindu religion, and these people do it big! Lights and sound...we've been told all about the drums that go on during every hour of the day and night. Not sad to miss that. This place is loud enough. Anyways...pray for safe travels of the team and I and that the Lord will allow that time to be a time of peace and refueling for the next three months that will be ahead of us when we are back. I cannot believe this much time has gone by, but (if I'm truly honest) in the same breath, I have to say I can't believe it's going this slowly. I love it...not every minute, but overall...and I will be sad to leave. Right about now, I'm just really staring to miss my bathtub. Haha. And apparently food...I keep dreaming about what will be the first thing I request from my parents once I'm off the plane and in the car. Get ready!
I would also like to give a shout out to my dad. Hey...went to the home gym the other day. I call it washing sheets. Dude...hand-washing sheets is for real a work out. My arms are so sore! I know he's proud. :)
In other news...I saw my first monkey that wasn't in a zoo. Poor little guy was tied to the fence. It was sad...I don't think he really likes people, because he freaked out as I walked by. Yay for rabies shot!
Also, sad story. Last night I got sick. Not so cool. I ate chipati and dal (dal is an everyday meal...when I say everyday, I mean it is lunch and dinner of almost everyday...and definitely one if not the other) and sadly I threw it up. That was scarring. Not sure how it will work out next time I'm served it. Just gonna have to deal.
Not much other news...just didn't want to leave you guys hanging for too long. Don't know if I'll have internet access in Thailand, and to be honest...I may just bask in the peace of the retreat center and skip out on the internet. So thankful the Lord has purposed this time for us...oh my it's needed.
Be praying for the city over this coming week. It is rough here. Also, the ladies. Pray that they have a wonderful vacation over the days and feel the Lord's protection and comfort coming from every angle of their lives.
Friday, September 30
Tuesday, September 27
Confessions...
I just really need to start this out with the confession that I am so terrible at loving people in this city. This place turns me into something different...something quite the opposite of a life that is pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. I make assumptions about people. I judge constantly. I am a selfish person. I am a rude person. I do not reflect Christ well. Although, I don't claim to be perfect at home - far, far, far cry from that. But, I feel that this city shows me how sinful I truly am...or at least has begun to open my eyes to how often I'm not really walking the faith I claim. Maybe it is because the division between light and dark is so obvious here that I'm able to clearly see all the nasty black in my heart, whereas in America it's not an obvious division. There's too much grey there and I can stay as oblivious for as long as I desire...just neatly tuck my sin away and keep going or I just outright make excuses for it. Not here, sister/brother, that's not happening - I can see the darkness in my heart...every single day. I fail to love. I grow angry quickly. I have no patience. I expect the worst from everyone. But that is not okay...none of this is right! I was on the hour long bus ride to Mama T's this morning when I realized that because I spend so much time assuming that people have disgusting thoughts as they stare at me, going to rip me off if the price isn't printed on the item, going to inappropriately touch me every day I leave the house, etc...I completely miss opportunities to show kindness. Because I am so incessant upon blocking out the bad of the world around me (because I'm incredibly selfish and, by action, would rather just ignore everything around me so that I live in a "safe" little bubble), I completely miss chances to act out of love. I miss out on opportunities the Lord has provided to bring light to this city. I judge everyone as being unworthy or undeserving of my patience, my understanding, my grace. I am a terrible person. I praise the Father above for his patience, his understanding, his grace...and I freaking cannot let that be the overflow of my heart for other people. Jeez.
Matthew 5:16 [ESV]
In the same way, let your light shine before others,
so that they may see your good works
and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
I have failed. I pray that I am different over the course of the next three months. The Lord is faithful in opening my eyes to my wrongs. Week 2 of this journey, I prayed a very difficult pray, but one that no doubt fell on the ears of the Lord. It's so, so, so hard for me to ask the Lord to break me and mold me as he desires...and to mean it. But I did, and I still do. I just always ask that he does so gently. I hate that this is my heart...I hate that I have the thoughts and actions that I do in this city, but thankful for a loving Father that gently opened my eyes to it and will show me grace in my failures. He is so good.
Matthew 5:16 [ESV]
In the same way, let your light shine before others,
so that they may see your good works
and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
I have failed. I pray that I am different over the course of the next three months. The Lord is faithful in opening my eyes to my wrongs. Week 2 of this journey, I prayed a very difficult pray, but one that no doubt fell on the ears of the Lord. It's so, so, so hard for me to ask the Lord to break me and mold me as he desires...and to mean it. But I did, and I still do. I just always ask that he does so gently. I hate that this is my heart...I hate that I have the thoughts and actions that I do in this city, but thankful for a loving Father that gently opened my eyes to it and will show me grace in my failures. He is so good.
Thursday, September 22
Spanish Tomato Tango and open fields...
So, lately I've been incredibly burdened on how to not let every person that walks open-handed up to me leave empty-handed. Back in the states the Lord always spurred my heart to serve those people, so just because I'm in this city that has forced me to harden my exterior layer, doesn't mean I should be hardened to those that beg in this part of the world. Even though they are every ten feet - it is actually all the more reason. I haven't known how to react, so I've stood idle. That's not what I'm called to do. Just like in the states, I won't choose to give money, but I've got to get to brainstorming on how to bless them.
Short story...this past weekend, I finally purchased a small bag of the 'Spanish Tomato Tango' Lays that are sold here in India. I was hesitant at the beginning, but I'm getting a bit tired of the 'American Style Cream Cheese & Onion'. I chose to take them to lunch on Monday and my bag was so full of other things, that I resorted to just carrying them in hand and packing the rest into my bag. As I stepped out of the metro exit, I passed a mom and her two children begging on the sidewalk. I smiled and just kept walking. With every step past that family that was begging, I despised my inaction more and more. My failure to act in that moment is just the same as walking past a hungry, homeless man in America and saying to him "I'll pray you get lunch somehow." All of a sudden, that much anticipated bag of 'Spanish Tomato Tango' felt really heavy. You know what that means...let go of it. I turned around and handed the mom the bag of chips and then started back on my journey. I doubt she cares for these chips, and I wish I could have had a year's supply of rice and dal to pass on to her, but I didn't and I won't ever. But the thing is that I acted. Not proud that I've failed to do so my first three weeks here, but in that moment I felt the Lord really burdening me to run from inaction.
I can't really carry a meal around...and it's not possible to stop every time I see someone begging and take them to lunch, butttt that doesn't give me an excuse to walk past them every single time with just a smile to pass on. The children that walk up to me and make the hand gesture of eating to tell me they are hungry is heartbreaking. I've got to start carrying something small in my bag to give them. I'm considering chocolate. Yes, that may be strange, but here is the thought: I can't carry something to feed the five begging children I'm guaranteed to see in one walk, but I can carry five small bars of chocolate. No chocolate isn't necessary to life, but sometimes we need more than just survival. Chocolate is one of those things. It's a universally spoken love language. And I need to start loving through chocolate.
By the way, I did get another bag of 'Spanish Tomato Tango'. They should just label them 'Spicy Ketchup'. Yeah, not the best.
---
Yesterday on the way home from out visit to Canning, the Lord spoke so much peace into my heart. He provided such amazing views of open fields and lovely skies. It was like a fresh breath...receiving this view was an absolute blessing. Then I just had so many verses race to my mind about how the Lord parallels openness and spacious places as a way to bless and rescue us.
Psalm 18:19
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Psalm 81:10
I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.
Both of these verses hit me differently than they had before. So many thoughts were racing, but they all centered around abundant blessings (such as peace) in an undeserved fashion. What is a field? It's an open space. As far as you can see, it is just that open space. No chaos, no ugly, no pain. Nothing but freedom. And it's beyond amazing that God chooses to bless us with such abundance. "Open wide your mouth"...that's not just "open up"; He commands we open WIDE with the expectation and assurance that He will fill it. The portrait behind "spacious place" also speaks so loudly. In that moment, on the train from Canning, I saw what the Lord speaks. I saw with my eyes what I've read in His word so many times before. It was such an overwhelming sense of peace, even in the circumstances of this city. I apologize if that isn't quite making sense, hard to put words to a "flood of peace moment". :)
---
What to be praying for:
Short story...this past weekend, I finally purchased a small bag of the 'Spanish Tomato Tango' Lays that are sold here in India. I was hesitant at the beginning, but I'm getting a bit tired of the 'American Style Cream Cheese & Onion'. I chose to take them to lunch on Monday and my bag was so full of other things, that I resorted to just carrying them in hand and packing the rest into my bag. As I stepped out of the metro exit, I passed a mom and her two children begging on the sidewalk. I smiled and just kept walking. With every step past that family that was begging, I despised my inaction more and more. My failure to act in that moment is just the same as walking past a hungry, homeless man in America and saying to him "I'll pray you get lunch somehow." All of a sudden, that much anticipated bag of 'Spanish Tomato Tango' felt really heavy. You know what that means...let go of it. I turned around and handed the mom the bag of chips and then started back on my journey. I doubt she cares for these chips, and I wish I could have had a year's supply of rice and dal to pass on to her, but I didn't and I won't ever. But the thing is that I acted. Not proud that I've failed to do so my first three weeks here, but in that moment I felt the Lord really burdening me to run from inaction.
I can't really carry a meal around...and it's not possible to stop every time I see someone begging and take them to lunch, butttt that doesn't give me an excuse to walk past them every single time with just a smile to pass on. The children that walk up to me and make the hand gesture of eating to tell me they are hungry is heartbreaking. I've got to start carrying something small in my bag to give them. I'm considering chocolate. Yes, that may be strange, but here is the thought: I can't carry something to feed the five begging children I'm guaranteed to see in one walk, but I can carry five small bars of chocolate. No chocolate isn't necessary to life, but sometimes we need more than just survival. Chocolate is one of those things. It's a universally spoken love language. And I need to start loving through chocolate.
By the way, I did get another bag of 'Spanish Tomato Tango'. They should just label them 'Spicy Ketchup'. Yeah, not the best.
---
Yesterday on the way home from out visit to Canning, the Lord spoke so much peace into my heart. He provided such amazing views of open fields and lovely skies. It was like a fresh breath...receiving this view was an absolute blessing. Then I just had so many verses race to my mind about how the Lord parallels openness and spacious places as a way to bless and rescue us.
Psalm 18:19
He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.
Psalm 81:10
I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.
Both of these verses hit me differently than they had before. So many thoughts were racing, but they all centered around abundant blessings (such as peace) in an undeserved fashion. What is a field? It's an open space. As far as you can see, it is just that open space. No chaos, no ugly, no pain. Nothing but freedom. And it's beyond amazing that God chooses to bless us with such abundance. "Open wide your mouth"...that's not just "open up"; He commands we open WIDE with the expectation and assurance that He will fill it. The portrait behind "spacious place" also speaks so loudly. In that moment, on the train from Canning, I saw what the Lord speaks. I saw with my eyes what I've read in His word so many times before. It was such an overwhelming sense of peace, even in the circumstances of this city. I apologize if that isn't quite making sense, hard to put words to a "flood of peace moment". :)
---
What to be praying for:
- Durga Puja is coming! So basically the "Christmas" of the Hindu religion is approaching. And it is very noticeable in the city. Construction of large stages are being built all over the city. Loud music is being played. And thousands of copies of the same idol is floating all around the city. People are gathering at the these locations and celebrating something...not sure what. But what I do know is every street feels a bit darker than it has. My heart feels a bit more burdened for all of the people worshiping at these locations. It is a hard time. Thankfully we will be retreating to Thailand when Puja actually starts, but they have already begun celebrations. Be praying for this city. Always.
- Language. My, my - Bangla is hard. Getting vocab down is a bit easier than I expected, and I'm definitely going to go ahead and give God the credit for that one. Forming sentences is a different story. Verbs, oh verbs. So difficult. Please be praying for that. Me and the team interact with the ladies on a weekly basis and it's no fun to just respond "ami jani na" (I don't know) to everything they say.
- My health. Yep, three weeks in this city has caught up with me. I'm sick. Cold/allergies/sinus...just something not well. Please pray that the Lord provides me with a super human immune system. Didn't pack that with me, so y'all pray lots! Not easy to be sick in a city that steals the life from you every time you leave home. I need to be well. Our "mom" is taking very, very good care of me - giving my warm water with salt to gargle, steam + vick's breathing sessions + some kind of nasal drops She's amazing. Thankful for her.
Sunday, September 18
I was once a Kolkata.
Well, don't worry...I'm still alive. I know I was good at blogging just about every other day, but had to break. One, I was a bit exhausted of the computer. And two, I needed to spend a few days not really thinking...just sorta soaking in the city. There's so much going on, I often can't even sort my thoughts.
Attended a church this morning that was such a blessing in the city. It was small, had tons of children, and felt right. First church I've attended that I enjoyed the location, the walls, the worship, the people around me, the message, and the welcoming of the people. It was such a joy to attend. One child walked right up to me and asked me if I liked his country of my country better. Haha. I answered saying "I absolutely love it here" and I was speaking truth. There is something so wonderful about this place and these people, amidst all the ugliness, that just makes my heart so happy. To be honest, and I'm not saying this to sound at all like a masochist, but I think the fact that it is so broken, dirty, smelly, and corrupt is what draws me in. If you look at it all with your basic eyes that's what you see, but if you take time too see this city through your "eternity goggles", or just basically with a mindset that Christ redeems everything that is broken, dirty, smelly, and corrupt, it can be viewed as a canvas for hope. In fact, in our original state we are broken, dirty, smelly, and corrupt - just like this city - but Christ considered me worthy of his death, worthy of love, worthy of his sacrifice. What makes this city any different? Why shouldn't I view it at Christ viewed me...worthy of love? This city is a pure reflection of all that is wrong with mankind (or at least it feels that way walking down the street - I apologize if this seems dramatic or depressing, but it is what it is), but there is hope to be painted. I was once a Kolkata, as well.
But back to the church. I love all of the children there. They all walked up to meet us and were not shy in the least. I cannot say how refreshing a beautiful smile is in this city. People don't smile here. And when they do, it's on the face of perverted man and takes on a whole different context. So to see so many innocent children smiling is a true beauty to behold. And in addition to that, they spoke about Malachi 4:2 that I shared in an earlier blog. I have never heard that verse until I found it a couple weeks ago and to hear it in the message this morning just made my heart skip a beat. My mouth dropped and I felt like the Lord arranged that. We weren't even supposed to attend this church until next week...I would have missed that moment, but nope...I was there. So sweet. Anyways...that verse was brought out in addition to the story in the gospels of the woman that was bleeding for twelve years - how she touched the hem of Jesus' garment as He walked by and was healed by her faith. It was explained that at the hem of their clothing in that day could be small strings, which they called "wings". So as Malachi 4:2 speaks of the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in it's wings...it's quite a picture to piece together. Jesus is the sun of righteousness. Those wings on the bottom of his garment hold healing power. That lady found that true to be that day, and one day coming all will find to be true. Needless to say, I definitely want to return to this church. It was truly a retreat from the city, but not in the manner of comfy benches and A/C; instead, it was a retreat from the city in the manner of beautiful smiles and a hopeful message.
Attended a church this morning that was such a blessing in the city. It was small, had tons of children, and felt right. First church I've attended that I enjoyed the location, the walls, the worship, the people around me, the message, and the welcoming of the people. It was such a joy to attend. One child walked right up to me and asked me if I liked his country of my country better. Haha. I answered saying "I absolutely love it here" and I was speaking truth. There is something so wonderful about this place and these people, amidst all the ugliness, that just makes my heart so happy. To be honest, and I'm not saying this to sound at all like a masochist, but I think the fact that it is so broken, dirty, smelly, and corrupt is what draws me in. If you look at it all with your basic eyes that's what you see, but if you take time too see this city through your "eternity goggles", or just basically with a mindset that Christ redeems everything that is broken, dirty, smelly, and corrupt, it can be viewed as a canvas for hope. In fact, in our original state we are broken, dirty, smelly, and corrupt - just like this city - but Christ considered me worthy of his death, worthy of love, worthy of his sacrifice. What makes this city any different? Why shouldn't I view it at Christ viewed me...worthy of love? This city is a pure reflection of all that is wrong with mankind (or at least it feels that way walking down the street - I apologize if this seems dramatic or depressing, but it is what it is), but there is hope to be painted. I was once a Kolkata, as well.
But back to the church. I love all of the children there. They all walked up to meet us and were not shy in the least. I cannot say how refreshing a beautiful smile is in this city. People don't smile here. And when they do, it's on the face of perverted man and takes on a whole different context. So to see so many innocent children smiling is a true beauty to behold. And in addition to that, they spoke about Malachi 4:2 that I shared in an earlier blog. I have never heard that verse until I found it a couple weeks ago and to hear it in the message this morning just made my heart skip a beat. My mouth dropped and I felt like the Lord arranged that. We weren't even supposed to attend this church until next week...I would have missed that moment, but nope...I was there. So sweet. Anyways...that verse was brought out in addition to the story in the gospels of the woman that was bleeding for twelve years - how she touched the hem of Jesus' garment as He walked by and was healed by her faith. It was explained that at the hem of their clothing in that day could be small strings, which they called "wings". So as Malachi 4:2 speaks of the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in it's wings...it's quite a picture to piece together. Jesus is the sun of righteousness. Those wings on the bottom of his garment hold healing power. That lady found that true to be that day, and one day coming all will find to be true. Needless to say, I definitely want to return to this church. It was truly a retreat from the city, but not in the manner of comfy benches and A/C; instead, it was a retreat from the city in the manner of beautiful smiles and a hopeful message.
Tuesday, September 13
Updates all around...
Going to start by asking that you pray for this city. Pray salvation over these people.
Today was the 5th day of volunteering at Shishu Bahvan. Learning more and more each time how to love on these children. It can be very difficult for multiple reasons...my reason today: one girl who is about 7 years old stuck her tongue out at me and then blew it...making spit fly everywhere over my face, and then she decided to pee on the bench right beside me. I had no idea until a sister was screaming "Auntie!", I looked at her only to see her pointing to my bottom. Yesss...the pee got on me. I was basically sitting in it. It was a lovely beginning to my day. Spit on and peed on by 9 A.M. I escaped to the restroom to tend to myself - cleaned up as much as I could, which included applying germ-x to my bottom and washing my face. Walked back out, somewhat annoyed that I couldn't change for at least another 6 hours, but somehow full of grace and peace about the not so ideal situation. The Lord definitely supplied the patience that I needed in that moment...
I went on to pick up my favorite little girl, Mita. She is darling. No child has a sure diagnosis, so I'm not sure what has handicapped her, but she cannot walk, speak, and is blind because her eyes didn't fully develop. None of this stops this little lady from having an infectious spirit. She was the first child that came up to me on my first day, so I could be biased...but I doubt it - she's adorable. She is the most flexible little thing ever...and can cling to you like a little monkey. She is also incredibly smart...Mita is the only one that can eat and not get food all over her, when you change her diaper - she flips to let you tie it at the back, and when you change her into her napping clothes - she lifts her arms so you can easily take off her shirt and will even put her arms into the top she is changed into. Absolutely precious. Her favorite thing, which I think is very much so a comfort to her, is to place your wrists on her forehead and clap...if you don't do it, she will show you how. Haha. But ...I've yet to see her smile; I've yet to hear her laugh. Well...today was the day! I believe by this point, I may be a familiar voice and she feels more comfortable with me...not sure. But as I laid her down for nap time, I just nuzzled my face in her neck and gave her kisses. She smiled so stinking big and was laughing so sweetly. It absolutely made my day to see this beautiful child smile and laugh amidst the sound of crying children and in spite of all she doesn't have. It was lovely. Humbling.
And side story...
Today, I realized that no one ever gives up their seats for old people on the metros or buses, and I'm not a fan of that. The older people in this city generally look like they cannot continue walking, but do anyways. And it breaks my heart to see them so frail and not have anyone make a sacrifice for them. As I got on the bus to return home, I just really wanted to bless an older person with my seat. I felt like the Lord wanted me to sacrifice my seat - just to be something different in this city. To act in a refreshing manner. There wasn't any older person on the bus and in fact, everyone had a seat...no one was standing. But about ten minutes later, a big group got on. In this large group of people was this very, very old lady with a very weathered sari on - she looked so tender. All teeth were gone, and her eyes were shrunken and glazed over - not sure how she could see out of them. She walked right up to the seat in front of mine to hold on to the pole and looked like she was grasping for dear life - as if she knew she couldn't hold herself up if the bus threw on it's breaks. I knew right in that second the Lord gave me my little old lady to bless. She didn't speak English, but she doesn't have to to understand kindness. I could tell she wasn't expecting me to give up my seat for her, but could read so much thankfulness in her face. It was a sweet moment. I rode on the crowded bus for another hour, standing, and with men all around me...I was afraid but the Lord protected me. He blessed me...felt like there was a little hedge of protection around me - preventing those men from touching me or acting inappropriately. In fact, a man behind me said "thank you for your help." Quite opposite of what I was expecting. Which again, shows me that there is good in this city. Refreshing.
Andddd...the other day with the women was so much fun! It was one of the staff member's birthdays, so they blessed her with a beautiful sari and strawberry cake (that always looks so much better than it tastes...sweets here just aren't cutting it - to give you an idea of their version of a sweet: a sponge ball that taste like string cheese soaked in sugar water...I'm not kidding). And in addition, there was a sassy little dance party. I cannot tell you how much fun it was to see the women dancing - huge smiles on their faces, laughter all around, and a contagious joy. Beautiful day with the women. Love seeing so much life in them...their hope amazes me.
Also, just have to share the most ridiculous video I have seen on the metro TV's thus far. This is insane, but made me laugh so loud. Indian gangsters...they're trouble. It's embarrassing to admit that I thoroughly enjoy this song. It makes me want to dance...a thing that I cannot do in public here. We Americans are already the center of attention where ever we go - I don't need to add to that. Please do watch. And warning: this is not a representation of the people in Kolkata...very, very, very far from it. Enjoy!
Today was the 5th day of volunteering at Shishu Bahvan. Learning more and more each time how to love on these children. It can be very difficult for multiple reasons...my reason today: one girl who is about 7 years old stuck her tongue out at me and then blew it...making spit fly everywhere over my face, and then she decided to pee on the bench right beside me. I had no idea until a sister was screaming "Auntie!", I looked at her only to see her pointing to my bottom. Yesss...the pee got on me. I was basically sitting in it. It was a lovely beginning to my day. Spit on and peed on by 9 A.M. I escaped to the restroom to tend to myself - cleaned up as much as I could, which included applying germ-x to my bottom and washing my face. Walked back out, somewhat annoyed that I couldn't change for at least another 6 hours, but somehow full of grace and peace about the not so ideal situation. The Lord definitely supplied the patience that I needed in that moment...
I went on to pick up my favorite little girl, Mita. She is darling. No child has a sure diagnosis, so I'm not sure what has handicapped her, but she cannot walk, speak, and is blind because her eyes didn't fully develop. None of this stops this little lady from having an infectious spirit. She was the first child that came up to me on my first day, so I could be biased...but I doubt it - she's adorable. She is the most flexible little thing ever...and can cling to you like a little monkey. She is also incredibly smart...Mita is the only one that can eat and not get food all over her, when you change her diaper - she flips to let you tie it at the back, and when you change her into her napping clothes - she lifts her arms so you can easily take off her shirt and will even put her arms into the top she is changed into. Absolutely precious. Her favorite thing, which I think is very much so a comfort to her, is to place your wrists on her forehead and clap...if you don't do it, she will show you how. Haha. But ...I've yet to see her smile; I've yet to hear her laugh. Well...today was the day! I believe by this point, I may be a familiar voice and she feels more comfortable with me...not sure. But as I laid her down for nap time, I just nuzzled my face in her neck and gave her kisses. She smiled so stinking big and was laughing so sweetly. It absolutely made my day to see this beautiful child smile and laugh amidst the sound of crying children and in spite of all she doesn't have. It was lovely. Humbling.
And side story...
Today, I realized that no one ever gives up their seats for old people on the metros or buses, and I'm not a fan of that. The older people in this city generally look like they cannot continue walking, but do anyways. And it breaks my heart to see them so frail and not have anyone make a sacrifice for them. As I got on the bus to return home, I just really wanted to bless an older person with my seat. I felt like the Lord wanted me to sacrifice my seat - just to be something different in this city. To act in a refreshing manner. There wasn't any older person on the bus and in fact, everyone had a seat...no one was standing. But about ten minutes later, a big group got on. In this large group of people was this very, very old lady with a very weathered sari on - she looked so tender. All teeth were gone, and her eyes were shrunken and glazed over - not sure how she could see out of them. She walked right up to the seat in front of mine to hold on to the pole and looked like she was grasping for dear life - as if she knew she couldn't hold herself up if the bus threw on it's breaks. I knew right in that second the Lord gave me my little old lady to bless. She didn't speak English, but she doesn't have to to understand kindness. I could tell she wasn't expecting me to give up my seat for her, but could read so much thankfulness in her face. It was a sweet moment. I rode on the crowded bus for another hour, standing, and with men all around me...I was afraid but the Lord protected me. He blessed me...felt like there was a little hedge of protection around me - preventing those men from touching me or acting inappropriately. In fact, a man behind me said "thank you for your help." Quite opposite of what I was expecting. Which again, shows me that there is good in this city. Refreshing.
Andddd...the other day with the women was so much fun! It was one of the staff member's birthdays, so they blessed her with a beautiful sari and strawberry cake (that always looks so much better than it tastes...sweets here just aren't cutting it - to give you an idea of their version of a sweet: a sponge ball that taste like string cheese soaked in sugar water...I'm not kidding). And in addition, there was a sassy little dance party. I cannot tell you how much fun it was to see the women dancing - huge smiles on their faces, laughter all around, and a contagious joy. Beautiful day with the women. Love seeing so much life in them...their hope amazes me.
Also, just have to share the most ridiculous video I have seen on the metro TV's thus far. This is insane, but made me laugh so loud. Indian gangsters...they're trouble. It's embarrassing to admit that I thoroughly enjoy this song. It makes me want to dance...a thing that I cannot do in public here. We Americans are already the center of attention where ever we go - I don't need to add to that. Please do watch. And warning: this is not a representation of the people in Kolkata...very, very, very far from it. Enjoy!
Sunday, September 11
Oh life.
I read this in a book yesterday...
"We are poor listeners because we are afraid that there is something other than love in God."
I fail to listen to the plans or purposes that he has for me (that I don't want), because I think he is motivated by something other than love. Newsflash...that's not possible. Such a fresh point of view. Thankful.
Also, just want to tell a small story.
During our "orientation" to this place, our team leader informed us that in this city men will touch you. Inappropriately and when undesired (which is always). She explained the best way to handle this was to bring attention to it...to speak loudly saying "do not touch me, stop touching me" and leave as soon as possible. Here's my experience...
Yesterday me and a friend got on an incredibly crowded metro. Crowded to the point where every person was smashed up against another. I couldn't even make my way to the ladies section (yes, a ladies section is designated on each metro cart and bus - because these men are so perverted). So anyways...I did my best to deal with the crowd until it lessened at the further stops. Well before I could get relief, this freaking creep that was standing directly behind me decided to grab my butt. This man took. He wanted and so he took. That's the way it works here. Gives me such a window into the women's lives...very small window, but for a brief moment I felt what it feels like to be used. But - that is not where the story ends...I mean...y'all know me. So this kids grabs my butt and not just a graze, he holds on, so what do I do? I through a bow into homeboy's chest/left shoulder area so hard that I almost removed his left arm. I didn't think, I reacted. Funny...must be from growing up with a brother that decides to come up and head-lock me every now and then...thanks for the defense practice, bub! But for real dude better recognize...don't mess with me...I'll remove those hands you're touching me with. Haha. Not really, but obviously I'm not afraid to let them know I'm disgusted with them and not going to silently tolerate their actions. One down, who knows how many to go.
And lastly...tried a church today. Weird. I'm sure this won't be my last post about church in Kolkata, but review...it was strange. Walked into this place and forgot the streets existed. Me and the team actually looked like we were in off the street - it's obvious that everyone there is very wealthy. Very weird feeling. Had an awesome worship...very American...sang songs I have at Breakaway and churches from back home. That was refreshing, but honestly - I felt too far away from the city outside. In that place - with A/C, beautiful decor, clean clean clean - I only wondered how the people right outside the doors were fairing. I was sad that I couldn't see handprints of this church on the city streets. I've come to expect that in a church, especially one planted in the middle of one of the most broken places of the world. I wondered where the church is not on Sundays. Hard to deal.
"We are poor listeners because we are afraid that there is something other than love in God."
I fail to listen to the plans or purposes that he has for me (that I don't want), because I think he is motivated by something other than love. Newsflash...that's not possible. Such a fresh point of view. Thankful.
Also, just want to tell a small story.
During our "orientation" to this place, our team leader informed us that in this city men will touch you. Inappropriately and when undesired (which is always). She explained the best way to handle this was to bring attention to it...to speak loudly saying "do not touch me, stop touching me" and leave as soon as possible. Here's my experience...
Yesterday me and a friend got on an incredibly crowded metro. Crowded to the point where every person was smashed up against another. I couldn't even make my way to the ladies section (yes, a ladies section is designated on each metro cart and bus - because these men are so perverted). So anyways...I did my best to deal with the crowd until it lessened at the further stops. Well before I could get relief, this freaking creep that was standing directly behind me decided to grab my butt. This man took. He wanted and so he took. That's the way it works here. Gives me such a window into the women's lives...very small window, but for a brief moment I felt what it feels like to be used. But - that is not where the story ends...I mean...y'all know me. So this kids grabs my butt and not just a graze, he holds on, so what do I do? I through a bow into homeboy's chest/left shoulder area so hard that I almost removed his left arm. I didn't think, I reacted. Funny...must be from growing up with a brother that decides to come up and head-lock me every now and then...thanks for the defense practice, bub! But for real dude better recognize...don't mess with me...I'll remove those hands you're touching me with. Haha. Not really, but obviously I'm not afraid to let them know I'm disgusted with them and not going to silently tolerate their actions. One down, who knows how many to go.
And lastly...tried a church today. Weird. I'm sure this won't be my last post about church in Kolkata, but review...it was strange. Walked into this place and forgot the streets existed. Me and the team actually looked like we were in off the street - it's obvious that everyone there is very wealthy. Very weird feeling. Had an awesome worship...very American...sang songs I have at Breakaway and churches from back home. That was refreshing, but honestly - I felt too far away from the city outside. In that place - with A/C, beautiful decor, clean clean clean - I only wondered how the people right outside the doors were fairing. I was sad that I couldn't see handprints of this church on the city streets. I've come to expect that in a church, especially one planted in the middle of one of the most broken places of the world. I wondered where the church is not on Sundays. Hard to deal.
Friday, September 9
I can't think of a title.
Today, it finally hit me that the reason the trees here look so funny is because it appears as though their root system actually hangs off of their branches. This isn't the case, but it looks like roots. Here's where my brain went to turning. India is a place that very obviously displays its religions...you can walk down any street and see multiple temples...constant reminders of who/what they are living for. In America, that is not so. Duh. Butttt - my connection, because I attempt to drain all symbolism relating to Jesus from a tree, is that what if, like the trees of India, I allowed my root system to displayed so loudly. What if I lived in such a manner my life, without question, showed who I live for (like their temples lining the streets and trees do). There are no such trees like the ones of India in America, which then makes me think about how much I allow my society, ways, life, blah-blah-blah, mask my root system. This probably doesn't make much sense in words, but totally does in my mind - I apologize. Basically...the people of India worship loudly, and their trees roots are obviously displayed...with me in America, my worship is usually drowned out by all else I allow to rule my life and the trees of home have no such root things I speak of. Just funny to think about. Can I be an Indian tree in America? Please. Ha. But yeah, yeah, yeah. I love trees. I have found a favorite already. It's a beauty. I'll attempt to post a picture soonish.
Also, just want to update everyone and let them know that I do believe I'm past the culture shock stage. I believe I have fully accepted where I am and how long I will be here. It hit me on the bus this morning when I realized how much I despise so many of the ways of these people, but I don't actually despise them at all - I hurt for them. Hurt for what they don't see. Hurt for where they are lacking. And I don't want to leave...like I did all last week. Haha. Not seriously leave, but this is a hard way to live after living so privileged in America. I never realized I would have to shower after washing clothes (yes, it is that difficult and I sweat worse than when walking down the street covered head to toe). Beyond thankful for washing machines and dryers - oh dear heavens. Hello muscles! But anyways, today was the first time, I saw my own selfishness in the reason I would have any desire to leave and knew that that is not the Lord's purpose in my time here. I'm only here four months. I'm only leaving the comfort and peace of home for four months. My sacrifice is only for four months. Christ's sacrifice of a life spent on earth, away from his heavenly home, was far greater. And I'm called to live as him, correct? My flesh fails. Time and time again. Praise the Lord for grace. Mmmm...good stuff our Jesus is.
Also, just want to update everyone and let them know that I do believe I'm past the culture shock stage. I believe I have fully accepted where I am and how long I will be here. It hit me on the bus this morning when I realized how much I despise so many of the ways of these people, but I don't actually despise them at all - I hurt for them. Hurt for what they don't see. Hurt for where they are lacking. And I don't want to leave...like I did all last week. Haha. Not seriously leave, but this is a hard way to live after living so privileged in America. I never realized I would have to shower after washing clothes (yes, it is that difficult and I sweat worse than when walking down the street covered head to toe). Beyond thankful for washing machines and dryers - oh dear heavens. Hello muscles! But anyways, today was the first time, I saw my own selfishness in the reason I would have any desire to leave and knew that that is not the Lord's purpose in my time here. I'm only here four months. I'm only leaving the comfort and peace of home for four months. My sacrifice is only for four months. Christ's sacrifice of a life spent on earth, away from his heavenly home, was far greater. And I'm called to live as him, correct? My flesh fails. Time and time again. Praise the Lord for grace. Mmmm...good stuff our Jesus is.
Thursday, September 8
This post has no central message...just a warning.
Malachi 4:2:
"But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall."
the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings
...
the sun
of righteousness
shall rise
with healing
in its wings
How stinking beautiful is that? Oh my goodness. I LOVE this. The other day I found this and I cannot tell you how loudly it spoke to my heart. I walk around this city with eyes that only seem to see things that are broken and ugly, things that need mending. But this verse promises something so lovely. Healing will come. And how? On the wings of the rising sun of righteousness. Whooooa! I can't help but smile when I read this. Actually, yesterday I said it to one of the girls on my team while we were on the bus and I started clapping out of joy (haha...typing that makes me realize how funny that action is and feel really dumb). I forgot where I was for a moment. I allowed myself to be overwhelmed with joy in the truth of those words. Sort of a poor place (if that's possible), because at that moment everyone on the bus turned and looked at me...as if my white skin doesn't scream "look at me" enough. Anyways...what I get out of this is the amazing promise that in trusting the name of the Lord (his name, his ways, his words), healing and mending will come and fix all that is broken (i.e. the world)...and it will be done so when the sun rises, when righteousness from above comes beaming down in rays that bring light to everything that is dark. Holy cow is that not awesome or what!? Speaking of cows...it continues on to say we will leap like calves from the stall. That to me is the picture of perfect joy. Being released from whatever ugly thing is trapping us...allowing freedom and bringing us to life. Life that is overflowing with a joy that even leads us to clapping on a crowded bus in a city we already stand out in just because we are sooooo happy.
Dear World: Rescue is coming. Hold tight.
What else?
Well I started the morning by getting on an incredibly packed train. Like worse than sardines. Imagine if that can of sardines you open and assume only 5 will fit in it...well double it and you got this train. Jeez. This is my second time, but I'm still a rookie. I'll get better at this...I have to.
Also, while visiting with the women again, I had a somewhat American lunch. Cheese sandwich with potato chips and a couple cookies. The women all offered me their rice, because my meal is actually not considered a meal in these parts of the world. If rice isn't involved, you haven't really eaten. They think I'm crazy...and then try to feed me. It's funny. It's sweet.
I'm ready to know how to speak Bangla. It's difficult to be the only one in the room not in a conversation. Or to have some lady try to speak to me and me just smile and wish so strongly to understand her. It's difficult, but Ami sheekjee (I am learning). :)
Today I witnessed a fight...for only a couple seconds. As I left the office, I was walking my way through the ally and all of a sudden three boys ran past me, each with something that could be considered a weapon but shouldn't be used as such (including a 2x2 board). Everyone was pointing toward the way I was walking, directing them where to go. I knew what was coming, but still wasn't pleased to be walking by at the moment the parties made contact. Not pleasant. It hurt my heart. They all just sorta clashed into one space at the same time. I heard hits and screaming...hated every second. I kept walking...sped up actually, so Mom and Dad...y'all can chill - I made it out just fine...only a couple bruises (kidding...very much so kidding). No worries. But it made me so sad. I have no idea what happened or why, but it's horrible that we, as people, are drawn to harm others in the attempt to make right what we think should be right. In fact yesterday, a woman said to me that only when you kick and scream, not in peace, do you make changes. I would very strongly like to disagree. Martin Luther King? Ghandi? I think she is crazy.
I have picked up the head bob. Yep...I'm a true Indian. Almost. Also, I'm finally able to tolerate drinking hot tea (cha = tea in Bangla...just fyi) in this incredibly hot weather. The idea is crazy, but it's the way things are done here. I'm jumping on board. Btdubbs...ginger tea is the bomb-dot-com. I'll definitely learn how to make so if you're lucky I'll treat you with it when I'm back in the states.
Next time I come, I'm bringing my own headphones. This dumb internet cafe has two sets of headphones for twelve computers...and only the left ear works...not cool.
One complaint...my face is greasy. I didn't know it could do this. It's gross.
And prayers...
Ok, ok...long enough post. Done for today.
Farewell.
"But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall."
the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings
...
the sun
of righteousness
shall rise
with healing
in its wings
How stinking beautiful is that? Oh my goodness. I LOVE this. The other day I found this and I cannot tell you how loudly it spoke to my heart. I walk around this city with eyes that only seem to see things that are broken and ugly, things that need mending. But this verse promises something so lovely. Healing will come. And how? On the wings of the rising sun of righteousness. Whooooa! I can't help but smile when I read this. Actually, yesterday I said it to one of the girls on my team while we were on the bus and I started clapping out of joy (haha...typing that makes me realize how funny that action is and feel really dumb). I forgot where I was for a moment. I allowed myself to be overwhelmed with joy in the truth of those words. Sort of a poor place (if that's possible), because at that moment everyone on the bus turned and looked at me...as if my white skin doesn't scream "look at me" enough. Anyways...what I get out of this is the amazing promise that in trusting the name of the Lord (his name, his ways, his words), healing and mending will come and fix all that is broken (i.e. the world)...and it will be done so when the sun rises, when righteousness from above comes beaming down in rays that bring light to everything that is dark. Holy cow is that not awesome or what!? Speaking of cows...it continues on to say we will leap like calves from the stall. That to me is the picture of perfect joy. Being released from whatever ugly thing is trapping us...allowing freedom and bringing us to life. Life that is overflowing with a joy that even leads us to clapping on a crowded bus in a city we already stand out in just because we are sooooo happy.
Dear World: Rescue is coming. Hold tight.
What else?
Well I started the morning by getting on an incredibly packed train. Like worse than sardines. Imagine if that can of sardines you open and assume only 5 will fit in it...well double it and you got this train. Jeez. This is my second time, but I'm still a rookie. I'll get better at this...I have to.
Also, while visiting with the women again, I had a somewhat American lunch. Cheese sandwich with potato chips and a couple cookies. The women all offered me their rice, because my meal is actually not considered a meal in these parts of the world. If rice isn't involved, you haven't really eaten. They think I'm crazy...and then try to feed me. It's funny. It's sweet.
I'm ready to know how to speak Bangla. It's difficult to be the only one in the room not in a conversation. Or to have some lady try to speak to me and me just smile and wish so strongly to understand her. It's difficult, but Ami sheekjee (I am learning). :)
Today I witnessed a fight...for only a couple seconds. As I left the office, I was walking my way through the ally and all of a sudden three boys ran past me, each with something that could be considered a weapon but shouldn't be used as such (including a 2x2 board). Everyone was pointing toward the way I was walking, directing them where to go. I knew what was coming, but still wasn't pleased to be walking by at the moment the parties made contact. Not pleasant. It hurt my heart. They all just sorta clashed into one space at the same time. I heard hits and screaming...hated every second. I kept walking...sped up actually, so Mom and Dad...y'all can chill - I made it out just fine...only a couple bruises (kidding...very much so kidding). No worries. But it made me so sad. I have no idea what happened or why, but it's horrible that we, as people, are drawn to harm others in the attempt to make right what we think should be right. In fact yesterday, a woman said to me that only when you kick and scream, not in peace, do you make changes. I would very strongly like to disagree. Martin Luther King? Ghandi? I think she is crazy.
I have picked up the head bob. Yep...I'm a true Indian. Almost. Also, I'm finally able to tolerate drinking hot tea (cha = tea in Bangla...just fyi) in this incredibly hot weather. The idea is crazy, but it's the way things are done here. I'm jumping on board. Btdubbs...ginger tea is the bomb-dot-com. I'll definitely learn how to make so if you're lucky I'll treat you with it when I'm back in the states.
Next time I come, I'm bringing my own headphones. This dumb internet cafe has two sets of headphones for twelve computers...and only the left ear works...not cool.
One complaint...my face is greasy. I didn't know it could do this. It's gross.
And prayers...
- Pray for our language studies. I'm trying to learn Bangla...it's difficult. Our tutor has pretty much made up spelling for the words using an alphabet that she also made up (composed of the English alphabet with a few additions and sound changes), so it's hard. That may not have even made sense, but please pray that we can learn so that we can communicate with the ladies. Relationships aren't usually built on smiles and two people just making sounds that the other doesn't understand.
- Pray that me and the team continue to make progress in getting used to this culture. That has been very difficult on us all. Every time someone hears this is my first trip out of the states they look at me like I'm crazy. They are basically like "wait...you've never left the U.S. and you came to Kolkata? and for four months?"...and look at me like I'm insane. Heyyyy - Jesus did this. I'm just rolling with the plan, man. But please pray for this...the more we feel like being here, the more we do while we are here. It's already easier, so I know a day will come when I don't wish for french fries or coffee.
- Pray for the women. Always. I don't think they really understand that we are here for four months...they've seen too much come and go...staying isn't a well understood concept. At least when it comes to our presence.
Ok, ok...long enough post. Done for today.
Farewell.
Tuesday, September 6
To Canning...and home again.
Today me and the team ventured out to a small village called Canning to visit the office there. 5 minute walk to a rickshaw, 7 minute ride to an auto, 15 minute auto ride to the train, hour long train ride...takes quite some time getting out there, but that hour long train ride was an experience, and a peace at the same time. The train ride was not as bad as I expected...praise the Lord for the ladies section. But I will complain for one moment about the fact the cart we were on was divided between ladies and vendors...and one particular vendor happened to be transporting fish. For that hour, I was thankful for the pond in my backyard and being raised in a fishing family...I could tolerate it, where it was a bit more difficult for one of the girls. We got there and it was grand. Walked in to meet a room full of new faces. They each walked up, embraced my hand and smiled so big. It was so precious. Enjoyed practicing my bangla with those ladies...they laughed at my pronunciation, but I don't blame them. It is awful. We also got to share lunchtime with the ladies...because Indian food has been a bit much for me, I went across the village and purchased bread, a cucumber, and an apple...each from a different place...to eat for lunch. What I would have made a face at if I was forced to eat in America, I walk through a crowded, muddy, smelly village for in India. Crazy how that works. What I wouldn't give to have a rice crispy right now. Haha.
Enjoying the homestay. The son of the family found our flashlights yesterday and was amazed...he played with them for about 10 minutes. He also told me that my iPod is actually a mobile because iPods are smaller...and then attempted to stick my headphones up his nose. Haha. Great place. At night we hear the family worshiping before going to bed and it just warms my heart. Easy to get discouraged in a city of idols, but the only difference between here and America is that here the idols have faces and physical locations of worship. God is big here. Very, very big. I just have to open my blinded heart.
Enjoying the homestay. The son of the family found our flashlights yesterday and was amazed...he played with them for about 10 minutes. He also told me that my iPod is actually a mobile because iPods are smaller...and then attempted to stick my headphones up his nose. Haha. Great place. At night we hear the family worshiping before going to bed and it just warms my heart. Easy to get discouraged in a city of idols, but the only difference between here and America is that here the idols have faces and physical locations of worship. God is big here. Very, very big. I just have to open my blinded heart.
Sunday, September 4
Every day is eventful.
So, just want to make a short post and tell y'all about yesterday's moments...
If you know me, and definitely if you know me well, you know that I LOVE coffee. Well, as Erin on my servant team would say..."we have been blessed." The Lord most definitely blessed us with a sweet visit to India Coffee House - not exactly like home, but close enough. India coffee has a slightly different flavor that I'm sure soon I will find to be quite amazing. Maybe even miss it when I'm back...maybe.
I got french fries! And they were awesome! I have very much so missed anything that is a comfort or reminds me of anything I've known in my life. Familiarity is difficult to come by, but I found it at Food Station on College Street. Yes, they had french fries - a great, great comfort to me. I'm actually making it a goal of mine to try french fries at every little restaurant we visit often. Once I find my favorite, I'm sure they will know my face very well. Haha.
And the BEST yet...drum roll...are you ready ladies and gentlemen? I have discovered a place in Kolkata that has sweet tea. And yes it is the southern sweeeeet style that I love. Blessings from above are raining down. Lovely.
Then...when walking back to the metro, there was a break in the buildings and I could see the sky. Oh my. It was a beautiful blue with preciously white clouds. Brought a huge smile to my face and just made our adventure for the day so much more sweet.
And then the real adventure began. I just knew I wouldn't make it four months without having to deal with a roach - in fact, I knew I would deal with them and possibly very often. But, I feel that making it 5 days without seeing one was a deceptive preparation for my first and very traumatic experience. IT WAS AS LONG AS MY INDEX FINGER! This thing was not just a roach, it was a ROACH! And where was this little creature hiding away? MY BAG! Oh dear heavens, my heart is racing like yesterday just speaking about it. This was a very bad first experience...it has definitely scarred me. I will forever be zipping my bags during the next four months. That could get annoying, but totally worth it. And just to really communicate how terrible it was, I should tell you I threw up. Yes, I was so traumatized that I vomited after finding a roach in my bag, crawling all over my clothes. I did in fact start the hand-washing adventure moments later. Oh life in Kolkata.
Also...moved into the homestay today. Precious family with precious children. I know this is the very begging of building sweet, sweet relationships that will make leaving this place in four months close to impossible. But not there yet, so wont let my heart grow sad just yet. Beautiful four months with these people ahead. They are so amazing to open their home to us...beyond thankful.
If you know me, and definitely if you know me well, you know that I LOVE coffee. Well, as Erin on my servant team would say..."we have been blessed." The Lord most definitely blessed us with a sweet visit to India Coffee House - not exactly like home, but close enough. India coffee has a slightly different flavor that I'm sure soon I will find to be quite amazing. Maybe even miss it when I'm back...maybe.
I got french fries! And they were awesome! I have very much so missed anything that is a comfort or reminds me of anything I've known in my life. Familiarity is difficult to come by, but I found it at Food Station on College Street. Yes, they had french fries - a great, great comfort to me. I'm actually making it a goal of mine to try french fries at every little restaurant we visit often. Once I find my favorite, I'm sure they will know my face very well. Haha.
And the BEST yet...drum roll...are you ready ladies and gentlemen? I have discovered a place in Kolkata that has sweet tea. And yes it is the southern sweeeeet style that I love. Blessings from above are raining down. Lovely.
Then...when walking back to the metro, there was a break in the buildings and I could see the sky. Oh my. It was a beautiful blue with preciously white clouds. Brought a huge smile to my face and just made our adventure for the day so much more sweet.
And then the real adventure began. I just knew I wouldn't make it four months without having to deal with a roach - in fact, I knew I would deal with them and possibly very often. But, I feel that making it 5 days without seeing one was a deceptive preparation for my first and very traumatic experience. IT WAS AS LONG AS MY INDEX FINGER! This thing was not just a roach, it was a ROACH! And where was this little creature hiding away? MY BAG! Oh dear heavens, my heart is racing like yesterday just speaking about it. This was a very bad first experience...it has definitely scarred me. I will forever be zipping my bags during the next four months. That could get annoying, but totally worth it. And just to really communicate how terrible it was, I should tell you I threw up. Yes, I was so traumatized that I vomited after finding a roach in my bag, crawling all over my clothes. I did in fact start the hand-washing adventure moments later. Oh life in Kolkata.
Also...moved into the homestay today. Precious family with precious children. I know this is the very begging of building sweet, sweet relationships that will make leaving this place in four months close to impossible. But not there yet, so wont let my heart grow sad just yet. Beautiful four months with these people ahead. They are so amazing to open their home to us...beyond thankful.
Friday, September 2
Day 4...
Ok, well been here four days and have been processing things at a rate at which I've never done before. But before I kinda spill my little heart and all that, I would like to begin with something that with make you laugh, or at least it does so for me...
So far we have visited two of the three facilities with the women we are working with...I have found out very early that marriage is incredibly important in the Indian culture. In both places, during our introduction, the women ask our name and then asked if we are married. After being told a big fat NO, I can see this big smile spread across their face as if they are thinking "oh my - poor girls" and the next question is always "can we arrange marriages?" Hahahaha! These women are so funny. Can they arrange my marriage? Definitely not. Ha.
Now on to the stuff...whatever it is going on in my head...
Ugh. Where to begin? Ummm...well I will say that this city is beyond overwhelming. I prepped for lots of people, I prepped for super wack traffic, and I prepped for staring...but I didn't prep for the fact they all happen at once and without end. It is sorta crazy on these streets. Actually, crazy is an understatement. There isn't a word for this. Being out in this city is so draining; I feel lifeless at the end of every journey out on these streets. To be honest, this city sorta steals all hope and joy...it diminishes my smile. Every sight around me is so sad. The people are so sad. And this all breaks my heart. There are two things that I struggle with the most...
And last thing - today we had our first day at Mama T's. Two days a week for four hours I'm volunteering at Shishu Bahvan - a home for handicapped children. I have never worked with handicapped children and I won't lie...this is not my usual choice arena to serve, but I know the Lord will use me well and teach me so stinking much through this. The children are precious...so thankful for them.
What to be praying for...
Please be praying that the Lord fills me with whatever grace is required to make it through today. Each day I ask of Him to bless me with what I need today. Oh goodness.
And please be praying for our language studies. We start today, and I need super brain power to learn Bengali, but it is so needed to communicate with these ladies.
Tata...as is said in Bengali. :)
So far we have visited two of the three facilities with the women we are working with...I have found out very early that marriage is incredibly important in the Indian culture. In both places, during our introduction, the women ask our name and then asked if we are married. After being told a big fat NO, I can see this big smile spread across their face as if they are thinking "oh my - poor girls" and the next question is always "can we arrange marriages?" Hahahaha! These women are so funny. Can they arrange my marriage? Definitely not. Ha.
Now on to the stuff...whatever it is going on in my head...
Ugh. Where to begin? Ummm...well I will say that this city is beyond overwhelming. I prepped for lots of people, I prepped for super wack traffic, and I prepped for staring...but I didn't prep for the fact they all happen at once and without end. It is sorta crazy on these streets. Actually, crazy is an understatement. There isn't a word for this. Being out in this city is so draining; I feel lifeless at the end of every journey out on these streets. To be honest, this city sorta steals all hope and joy...it diminishes my smile. Every sight around me is so sad. The people are so sad. And this all breaks my heart. There are two things that I struggle with the most...
- Beauty is beyond difficult to come by. Everything is broken here. But I will say that the Lord has been faithful to provide me with some kind of beauty that lifts my spirits...and in moments I seem to need it the most. Here's a few things...
- The laughter and the smiles of the women. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is stepping into their presence. The city is dark, but there is freedom and light amongst these women and it cannot help but be contagious.
- One day, I stepped outside to see a long vine running down a walkway and one beautiful and perfect pink flower blossoming right in the middle. It speaks volumes that yes, amidst all this rubble, something grand can blossom.
- All around the city are disgusting black birds...swimming in black pools of water on the street and it is sick. But one day I looked outside the window and there was this perfectly white bird perched on the next building over. It was lovely. Such a picture of light in constant darkness.
- And my favorite...at the end of one day, I felt so down. I wondered if I could make it four months in this chaotic, dark city., and I felt hopeless. But while we were visiting a friend in town, I got to stand on a 5th floor balcony and could see the sky for the first time in Kolkata! I forgot that the sky was there...crazy, but from the ground, you just can't see it. Buildings are blocking it or the view around is too distracting. But this wasn't just normal clouds, it was this amazing pink color that was slowly sweeping across the clouds - the sky was so, so, so beautiful!
- So the other thing that is such a struggle in this city is partly due to the way my heart is burdened for these people. On every walk we take down the street there are people begging for money. I have such an issue on how to handle this. Of course I cannot hand out money to them, but it is so hard to continue down the street. My biggest issue comes in here...
- Do I look these people in the eyes and risk giving them a false hope and having them follow us for 10 minutes down the road? Or do I risk this only to give them a piece of humanity in the glimpse of another person's eyes?
- Do I not look these people in the eyes and starve them of a taste of humanity that they do not have living on these streets and starve them of a bit of hope that may lift their spirits, but prevent them from a false hope and me being followed (last is so selfish, I know)?
And last thing - today we had our first day at Mama T's. Two days a week for four hours I'm volunteering at Shishu Bahvan - a home for handicapped children. I have never worked with handicapped children and I won't lie...this is not my usual choice arena to serve, but I know the Lord will use me well and teach me so stinking much through this. The children are precious...so thankful for them.
What to be praying for...
Please be praying that the Lord fills me with whatever grace is required to make it through today. Each day I ask of Him to bless me with what I need today. Oh goodness.
And please be praying for our language studies. We start today, and I need super brain power to learn Bengali, but it is so needed to communicate with these ladies.
Tata...as is said in Bengali. :)
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