Day 4...

Ok, well been here four days and have been processing things at a rate at which I've never done before. But before I kinda spill my little heart and all that, I would like to begin with something that with make you laugh, or at least it does so for me...

So far we have visited two of the three facilities with the women we are working with...I have found out very early that marriage is incredibly important in the Indian culture. In both places, during our introduction, the women ask our name and then asked if we are married. After being told a big fat NO, I can see this big smile spread across their face as if they are thinking "oh my - poor girls" and the next question is always "can we arrange marriages?" Hahahaha! These women are so funny. Can they arrange my marriage? Definitely not. Ha.


Now on to the stuff...whatever it is going on in my head...

Ugh. Where to begin? Ummm...well I will say that this city is beyond overwhelming. I prepped for lots of people, I prepped for super wack traffic, and I prepped for staring...but I didn't prep for the fact they all happen at once and without end. It is sorta crazy on these streets. Actually, crazy is an understatement. There isn't a word for this.  Being out in this city is so draining; I feel lifeless at the end of every journey out on these streets. To be honest, this city sorta steals all hope and joy...it diminishes my smile. Every sight around me is so sad. The people are so sad. And this all breaks my heart. There are two things that I struggle with the most...

• Beauty is beyond difficult to come by. Everything is broken here. But I will say that the Lord has been faithful to provide me with some kind of beauty that lifts my spirits...and in moments I seem to need it the most.  Here's a few things...
• The laughter and the smiles of the women. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is stepping into their presence. The city is dark, but there is freedom and light amongst these women and it cannot help but be contagious. 
• One day, I stepped outside to see a long vine running down a walkway and one beautiful and perfect pink flower blossoming right in the middle. It speaks volumes that yes, amidst all this rubble, something grand can blossom.
• All around the city are disgusting black birds...swimming in black pools of water on the street and it is sick. But one day I looked outside the window and there was this perfectly white bird perched on the next building over. It was lovely. Such a picture of light in constant darkness.
• And my favorite...at the end of one day, I felt so down. I wondered if I could make it four months in this chaotic, dark city., and I felt hopeless. But while we were visiting a friend in town, I got to stand on a 5th floor balcony and could see the sky for the first time in Kolkata! I forgot that the sky was there...crazy, but from the ground, you just can't see it. Buildings are blocking it or the view around is too distracting. But this wasn't just normal clouds, it was this amazing pink color that was slowly sweeping across the clouds - the sky was so, so, so beautiful!

• So the other thing that is such a struggle in this city is partly due to the way my heart is burdened for these people. On every walk we take down the street there are people begging for money. I have such an issue on how to handle this. Of course I cannot hand out money to them, but it is so hard to continue down the street. My biggest issue comes in here...
• Do I look these people in the eyes and risk giving them a false hope and having them follow us for 10 minutes down the road? Or do I risk this only to give them a piece of humanity in the glimpse of another person's eyes?
• Do I not look these people in the eyes and starve them of a taste of humanity that they do not have living on these streets and starve them of a bit of hope that may lift their spirits, but prevent them from a false hope and me being followed (last is so selfish, I know)?

        I don't know how any of that works. I don't know the best answer to that...and I doubt these four months will teach me. When it boils down to it, I cannot ever relate with the life these people are forced to live. I will never understand.

And last thing - today we had our first day at Mama T's. Two days a week for four hours I'm volunteering at Shishu Bahvan - a home for handicapped children. I have never worked with handicapped children and I won't lie...this is not my usual choice arena to serve, but I know the Lord will use me well and teach me so stinking much through this. The children are precious...so thankful for them.


What to be praying for...
Please be praying that the Lord fills me with whatever grace is required to make it through today. Each day I ask of Him to bless me with what I need today. Oh goodness.
And please be praying for our language studies. We start today, and I need super brain power to learn Bengali, but it is so needed to communicate with these ladies.


Tata...as is said in Bengali. :)